Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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