we're blogging at a bar
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
