I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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