Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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