This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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