is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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