Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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