vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize