Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
