For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
