For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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