P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
