well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
