she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize