The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
