i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she peed on how many people?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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