oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
