she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
