my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize