Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
