Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
