You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no, he came in my armpit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
