The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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