end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
