We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there is glitter all over my balls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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