No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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