Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
