I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
