so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
