I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
