so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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