Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
