Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
