Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
