So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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