wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
