i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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