What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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