Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
