Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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