The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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