Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
