I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
