Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
