i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
