Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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