can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
