I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
