don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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