No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
