Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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