He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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