I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
