First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
