You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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