I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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