May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
