Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
