i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
NoShamevember. You game?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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