her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
