apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
BRING THE BAGELS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
