I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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