Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
