i just had sex bonerless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
