I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think people are normalizing furries
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
