Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
