C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
