I need help removing her.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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