who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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