absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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