Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
