Soap is not a condiment
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
