I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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